The Visit that was Supposed to Happen
by the-vampire-act
Summary: Slashy Drabble. It wasn't supposed to happen like that. No, he wasn't supposed to be dead. Character death. H/R


**The IKY'dU Blog - Hotch/Reid Writing Challenge: Round 4**

**Pen name: the-vampire-act**

**Title: The Visit that was Supposed to Happen**

**Genre: Rating: T**

**Prompt: Set 5: unconscious – ambulance - fate – nightmare**

It wasn't supposed to hurt- hell, it wasn't suppose to _happen. _He was supposed to walk into his soon-to-be lover's apartment and beg for him to take you as his boyfriend, and he should have said yes happily. There was supposed to be a celebration afterwards, a single white rose with chocolates and wine.

Spencer wasn't supposed to be laying unconscious on the bathroom tiles and sprawled out looking like death. The two holes in his arms where the skin was red and irritated weren't supposed to be there, and the bottle and syringe were definitely not supposed to be there as well.

Hotch wasn't supposed to bend down to feel an absent pulse and a lifeless breath. He wasn't supposed to feel be calling for an ambulance to come and rush his lover off and away.

Hotch pushed Spencer's lifeless body into his arms and brushed his hair out of his face. He watched as Spencer limply fell onto his lap. "I'm so sorry." he whispered. He kissed his dead lover's lips and held him like he had imagined he would later that same night. He was supposed to be laughing and smiling with him, not holding his as good as dead body. Fate had other plans, he guessed.

As he stroked his lover's hair, he thought about the visit that was supposed to happen, but he stopped himself. All that mattered now was that it hadn't happened, and that alone was enough to fill him mind.

"Sir, we need you to move." a voice from behind him stated. Absent-mindedly, Hotch wondered when the paramedics had arrived, but he moved obediently. He watched as the nightmare unfolded before him, and he even let a single tear fall from his eye.

Hotch turned to follow the medics out of the apartment, but he stopped when a letter addressed to him fell to the floor and out of the jacket Spencer had been wearing. He picked it up and started reading:

"_I loved you, but I guess you didn't love me. I can't live knowing that you're always right there, but yet somehow so far away. I can't say I'm sorry about overdosing, but I can say I'm sorry I let myself love a man who could never leave me back." _

Hotch dropped the piece of paper back down on the floor and rushed out of the apartment. He was suddenly glad that he had a son, because if he didn't, he was sure he would have killed himself right then and there. Instead, Hotch jumped into his car and did what he did best.

He swallowed his emotions and drove to the hospital. Once he was there, he watched as they called the time of death. He just nodded his head as the nurse told him that she was sorry for his loss. She left him alone after that, and he watched as she walked away. Hotch then pulled out his phone and called the team, their responses being 'I'll be there as soon as possible.'

But Hotch wouldn't be.

No, he'd be at a bar getting drunk, pushing aside his emotions and hitting on nameless women who he'd never see again. They'd ask him if he would like to come home with them, and he would politely decline. Then, he would go back home and thank god Haley's sister was still in town to take care of him. Ignoring her worried glances and disapproving glares, he'd jump into bed and finally let himself break down.

Because no matter how much he tried to deny it, he had been in love with Spencer Reid, and now he was gone. He hadn't ever regretted anything as much as he regretted not telling the young man sooner, because maybe, just maybe, if he had, then Spencer would still be alive right now.

And no matter what anyone told him, he knew that it was all his fault.

**A/N: For those keeping track, this is the third time Spencey's killed himself because of Hotch : ). I hope multiple entries for the same prompt is allowed, because this one wouldn't leave me alone. R&R?…" **


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